There's a comfort that resides inside me now. I'm okay being alone. A lot of people question this, not realizing who the person is that they are speaking to. Those that truly know me, know that the only thing I want in life is peace. Money doesn't guide me, fame doesn't tempt me. Quiet is what drives me. To be in a place full of laughter and no stress is what I crave.

Plenty of things have tried to destroy my peace. At times my conscious attempts to disrupt me with failures, mistakes, and a constant nagging voice echoing inside of my head telling me I'm not good enough. Although it brings me to my knees, I always stand right back up. I have the spirit of a fighter and a heart of flesh. I know what I am made of. I believe that greatness is knocking at my door and I am ready to let it in. Distractions will come. Since I know their impending destruction, I am ready to cast them away without a shadow of a doubt.

Jealousy has always attacked me. For some reason, people see who I am and want to stand in my shoes. I never quite understood this. They see my facade. My laughter, my loyalty, my devotion to the ones I hold close and they want to be me. They hear my loud laughter and the good feeling I bring to those that surround me. For this, they hate me. They hate the fact that they hate me. They despise the mere understanding that people turn to me when they have no where else to go. Maybe it would be better if I weren't around.

What they fail to comprehend is that I didn't ask for the spot light. I hate the spot light. I've avoided many things in my life due to the fact that I do not want to be the center of attention. I'm okay with being average. I'm okay with not being known, not being liked, not being cared about. I'm okay with waking up each morning to a quiet apartment that's begging for my lonesome attention. I am comfortable with this. I don't mind going shopping alone, eating alone, watching a movie alone...I crave this. I enjoy myself more than anyone on this earth ever will. I love me. I love my thoughts. My imagination takes me places that few will ever see.

My books comfort me. My thoughts astound me. My writing is an invitation for all to witness and for all to dissect the truth about me. But, don't take everything that I say and write at face value. You see, my thoughts play out like Michael Bay movies. Grand theatrics, amazing story lines, and they are always over budget. You are captivated by them and you just can't seem to look away. When you believe you have figured it all out, the plot thickens and there's a twist.

I have my secrets. Everyone does. I have them locked up in my safe and no one knows the combination. One day, I will write out my story. The way it truly is. Some will judge, many will criticize but only I lived it. Only I know how badly I was beaten and how hard it was to stand back up. You can only speculate.

For those that are fascinated with who I am and what I do, please continue to have me in your thoughts. My mind feeds off of it. Sow the seeds of deceit and of who you think I am. For it is for you that I write. It is for you that I create the blockbuster hits that you believe to be true. Continue to brag about what you know not, for all along I am laughing. You may think you have bought me to my knees. You may think that you have destroyed me, but I see you for what you are. Know that bigger is He that lives inside me. I will always be avenged.

So now I write...

11/23/2010

Posted on 11/23/2010
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