i was wearing black with white polka dots
and you said it brought out the black under my eyes
and i thought you meant my eyes were dark,
mysterious and deep
but you meant i look tired from lack of sleep
i held my tongue,
i often do,
pretending nothing can touch me if i don’t speak

nothing scares me

but still i can’t sleep if i know there is a spider in my room
i have stayed up all night being a spider hunter
i have crawled onto the couch and watched the sun rise through the blinds
and i have been moved

all day i sit in this chair
the sun from the window warms me to sleep
and i nod off while on the phone making plans for school
they want to know why i have waited this long
i don’t really know
my time-lines and dreams were forfeited
and i can’t explain what happened
blame anything but the truth

in church today, i watched people close their eyes
and wait for everyone to pray
they silently asked for forgiveness
they silently wished for good health
but i doubt they really did

we are selfish and we believe everything Fox News tells us
and we sit around being lazy
and falling in and out of love with strangers

we blame it all on television

we blame it all on each other
yet we can’t figure out why the world isn’t a happier place

i am making plans
and i am becoming a new person
but i still open my eyes when i hear something new
i still wait for a book to be written about me

i’m the only one who will write it, though
and no one will care to read it
except maybe some stalker i had when i was young and skinny
who has long since disappeared

i used to date a cop
who stalked me
and said he would change my life for better or worse
depending on my attitude

i left him before he found out my real last name

today i take naps only when no one else is home
with the dogs circling my bed

tomorrow i will pretend school is the answer for everything
and grow dandelions from my lips

when you find me again one day
i will no longer be made of mush.

10/11/2010

Posted on 10/11/2010
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