i am not a true man.

i have never learned to have a
one-night stand.
my heart always gets the best of me.

i am not a sexual stallion.
don't worry about an allnighter,
unless you mean to drive away from me.

i have never learned to play
a sport.
i will only whoop your ass
at fooseball or checkers
(especially if you're drunk).
i don't even know the
working rules of a chess
board, and can only deal
a handful of card games.

i have never learned to ride
a motorcycle, or even to drain
my own oil.
my faucet repairs last an hour,
and then it's back to the drip.

i can barely bench press your tiny grandma,
and probably not many times.
i've never punched anyone, and
dread ever having to.

i've never learned how to down
a quart of whiskey without having
to puke-paint the walls.

i can make a mean tostada,
though,
and that far outweighs
any of this shit.

09/21/2010

Author's Note: just another love letter to my dear beloved self

Posted on 09/21/2010
Copyright © 2024 Eric Hinkle