i want to write you a love letter,
i want to tell you how i felt when we first kissed,
i want to be able to express every emotion without being some stupid fucking cliche
but even this, as i type it, is becoming one

i keep finding things to send you,
a letter in a tv show where the main character reminds me of you
as he drinks whiskey while finishing another short story
and i keep listening to songs about lasting love
and the way we need to suffer for the good things
and how people wait for the ones they love until there’s nothing left around them
i keep singing in the shower even when i’ve just been crying
because there’s something always around to remind me of when we were good

i wanted to tell you about the fear i held onto after we met
because i was being swept away, i was lying to someone
and i was still figuring out how to be happy

but i can’t do that without wanting to steal every line from every poem in an ee cummings book
i want to tell you how i don’t remember anyone else’s hands on my body now,
how these stars on my wrists will forever be us, you on the left and me on the right
and now when i touch them i see you
i open it all up
i open everything up to you because i have nowhere else to go
and i can let you go
i can walk away from it all because i love you
and i know we’ve been too violent
and we’ve forgotten how to talk without screaming
and i am afraid of everything now
and i have cried after we’ve had sex because it felt like goodbye,
it felt different

things have changed,
things have become irrelevant to our love

i keep listening to songs, crying and wanting just one way to touch you without seeing you cringe

i can feel it all crawling away to the back of a closet,
i can sense the blindfold
and i’ve got to know for sure.

07/08/2010

Posted on 07/09/2010
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