my nails have splotches of purple polish on them
broken down the center, pieces falling off
and i can't remember the last time i wanted to smile


people are wandering outside
and they call me
and they are desperate for me to stay
and they won't let me sleep in my car


friends send money,
friends give ultimatums,
friends don't really exist


they'll watch him take me away
and they will watch him make false prophecies


and there will be nothing standing in his way


i can only make one emergency call
i can only crawl deeper into my shell
and i don't even want to walk on the beach here
i don't even want to take a stroll through the parks
and i don't want to show you my favorite places


didn't i warn you?
didn't i say this would be the end of me
and that we would never respect each other again


didn't i cross the line?
didn't i create a barrier and blame you for it


didn't i follow my own prediction 


this hole is welcoming
this sun is breaking my skin


my fingers are still bleeding
my memories are shot,
my legs can't walk,
my heart is only an organ


i can't tell you anything these days
i can't move


it's all on repeat,
your words and my hands and
my body needing water
and our eyes believing in miracles
and our truth becoming our lies


and


and i am desperate again here
i want to use lyrics, words others say,
things that have been used a million times
and i want to bind you with them
and i want you to know what it feels like to be the only one
without a means to an end


i don't feel it anymore
i don't feed it anymore


anymore.



05/25/2010
Posted on 05/25/2010
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Johnny Crimson on 05/25/10 at 05:06 PM
And why should you? I enjoyed this. :)
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 05/26/10 at 06:17 PM
Just when I think you can't completely terrify me anymore, you come up with something like this. It's a terror in the very best sense of the word for a poet or poem. It shakes, breathes and completely jolts the reader out of their comfort zone. It does this with ridiculously skillful imagery (that third to last stanza? wow). It's a flawless bit of writing.
Posted by Anita Mac on 05/27/10 at 11:52 PM
& I'm left stunned & gasping. This is awesome.