They all drink coffee drinks
that sound like gymnastic routines
that they pick up at Starbucks
on the way to their really cool jobs

in offices where they file things
and talk on their cel phones;
the phones on their desks
are outdated
and may leak uncoolness on them.

They drive cars
(never more than three years old)
that look exactly alike
because that's a requirement
for being a member of the club.

They belong to gyms
and wear shirts
that reveal midriffs
that will eventually
be fit and firm

because they do spinning.

When they get old enough (gasp)
to have children
they name them all Shane and Madison
and lots of things
that begin with 'J'

and all of their little offspring
have playdates
and do teeball and soccer

and all the little Madisons
and girl 'J' people
want to grow up and be
slutty pop tarts

and all the little Shanes
and boy 'J' people
want to grow up
and have lots of sex
with slutty pop tarts.

As they multiply
they become part of a phenomenon
known as 'mobile nesting'
in which they drive cars
that are bigger
than their first apartments
in order to more completely
bubble-wrap their offspring
because little 'J' people
are quite fragile.

At school,
all the little Shanes and Madisons
and all their 'J'-named counterparts
learn to synchronize their thinking,
thirty at a time,
all sharing the same thoughts,
ideas and opinions;
cloning their way
to a peaceful future

in which one day,
they will create their own little exponents -
perhaps named things
that will begin with 'K',
who, in time,
will join the collective consciousness,

thereby completing the circle of hipness
and preserving the culture of cool.

05/23/2010

Posted on 05/23/2010
Copyright © 2024 Maria Francesca