do you remember us?
we are the two girls on the porch
that were trying incredibly hard
to not seem like it's been a while since
an incredibly attractive man rode his bike
down the road and stopped to talk to us because
he found us interesting.

i'm pretty sure you said,
"oh hey, i'm Charlie, i'm on my way to get Chinese food,
but if you're going to watch star trek every wednesday
i should stop by some time."

which we took to mean,
"oh hey, i'm Charlie, i'm on my way to get Chinese food,
but if you want, on my way back,
i could pick you guys up, and interchangeably
fall in love with both of you. i could marry one of you
and be in a deep personal relationship with the other one.
you two can decide for yourselves, or we can switch things up.
swingers can lead healthy lives if everyone stays in communication, right?"

to which we actually said,
"sweet."

but what we meant to say was,
"Charlie, in that argyle sweater
that matches the ocean in your eyes,
i have found my new home."

to which you said,
"see ya,"

which we took to mean,
"i will be back to save the both of you
from monotony and every bad relationship ever."

since then, Charlie, i am sad to say
that you have not been back,
but we, the two girls on the porch,
we have not forgotten you.

on warm nights we sit outside
and wait for you,
we sigh and say,
"i wonder where Charlie is right now?"

and usually you are doing various
things to better the world:

in the peace corps teaching babies how to dance,
dragging puppies from burning buildings that you just happened to walk by,
or hand-feeding abandoned squirrels with eye-droppers
because their mothers fell from the nest and couldn't get back in time.

we have decided you have a beautifully decorated apartment
and that you listen to jazz and old country folk songs.
that your whistle is on key every time and that
you get your teeth cleaned every six months
so that you can continue gracing each day with your
gleaming smile.
that you have a swoon-worthy relationship with your mother
and have a book collection that rivals our own.
that you appreciate fine wine and art and know
that when a woman cooks for you she is actually saying
"i love you, don't you see that in the way i've intricately presented this asparagus" and
that instead of saying it back with bad sex you
write little notes on the origami napkins that show
just how much of a sleaze you aren't.

because Charlie,
you can do no wrong.
you are the man that is going to make
things better again.

but a lot of time has passed
and many things have happened and
i'm not even sure that if charlie were to stop by
wearing a different sweater and not riding
that bike i would even know who he was.

secretly, i hope that i never see you again, Charlie
because in our minds you exists as a holy vessel of perfection.
you have made things better for us, just by introducing yourself.
just leave the rest to us, and we can make you so, so happy.

but apparently the only way a man can truly do no wrong
and never let you down while maintaining his appeal is by leaving
two chicks on a porch with big imaginations and a lot of time
to make up his biography and never actually interact with him.

04/14/2010

Posted on 04/14/2010
Copyright © 2024 Lauren Singer