it’s been too long now
i am not sure it would make any difference to tell you the truth
i would’ve told you about my nails and how i would bite them and keep the remains under my pillow
thinking a nail fairy would bring them back to life
and i would chew on my fingers until they bled
and i could tell you about the scar under my lip and how my first phone was a Bart Simpson phone
i would tell you about the wrinkles in my grandmother’s face and how my father never helped her enough
and she would tell me this and make me eat more bean soup
and we would play cards and we would wait for my father to get home
and i could tell you how i would eat raw hot dogs straight from the fridge, four or so at a time
and how my mother fed me beer as a baby
i would tell you my best friends do not exist
because i really never had any
i could tell you all of my lies and how i once pretended to have cancer
and now i pray that i do
but it’s been so long now
so long since you wanted to touch my hand
and i know it won’t make a difference to admit these things
no, it doesn’t make a difference to love you now.

03/19/2010

Author's Note:

i could write you a list of every truth,
every truth i told you was a lie
and every truth i never told
and everything could be very different
but nothing really will be

Posted on 03/19/2010
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 03/19/10 at 05:07 PM
I'd say you're on some kind of pretty badass roll right now. This reads like a letter that was written dozens of times but will almost certainly never be mailed, or a reoccurring dream that doesn't lose an inch of its sharpness long after you've woken up. In other words this feels like something that was a long time coming. It's got a wonderful breathless quality to it, and the imagery is just one knockout after another.
Posted by George Hoerner on 03/19/10 at 07:44 PM
A very fine write lady for like running a race it is as much about the attempt than in the winning and how many of us know the difference between our turth and our lies. How many of us are willing to blurt out the truth of our life from beginning to end or even a small part of it. Our lies run through out our life whether it be to others or ourselves nad how often is a lie closer to the truth than we might admit.