The build up of scenery you create here is what gives this poem its lilt and story and overall impact. Simple words and familiar images (threadbare carpet, dull hallways) make the contrast stand out starkly,bringing your words to life.

Hiya Richard, I like this, it's a good introductory piece. Amie hits the nail right on the head with her comment about the contrast. My only critique would be in the use of the word "stairwell" - I seem to want associate it with flats, schools and municipal buildings which wouldn't necessarily be carpeted, threadbare or not. I'd have preferred "staircase", which goes more with the seedy hotel/tenement that you drew in my mind - but if you've written it to be accessible to an international audience, (our colonial cousins), then I get it too... nice piece. D

Meaningful movement and ironic contradiction all wrapped up in one little poem. Very nice Richard. Drizzly too.

I didn't think anything of it at first, but having read Darren's comment, I just wanted to express my agreement. That aside, nice write--and welcome to Pathetic!

I love the upturn of this piece, like a silver lining, and ur imagery is tangible for any who've known the public school system in the US...nice little piece, good breaks...nice job, jewels xxx

... excellent... welcome to Pathetic.....