for the safety of the innocent bystanders
i left all my weapons at home.
the thought of objection didn't even cross my mind
when i was strip searched.

the rush of walking into this completely unarmed
is better than any drug i've ever tripped on.

the remnants of a conversation i'd had last night filled my brain.
i had contemplated whether i should let this take you by storm
and hope you feel something, just a fraction of what i've felt from this,
or if i should just get it out in the open and tell you, i'll be there too.

the element of surprise isn't all that's cracked up to be.
besides, i of all people know just how heartless and incapable of feeling you are.

we spent the night across the room from each other
and created a sort of division but only by those who chose to put themselves in the middle

i'll admit,
i allowed myself a few glances in your direction.
i wanted to see if i remembered your face.
that's a lie...i wanted to see if i felt anything for you still...
the result?
nothing..
not anxiety, not "I miss you...", not-a-thing.

i didn't waste any words on you or to you
and the thought of that only crossed my mind once.

i wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
i wasn't too much of this or too little of that.
no spotlights. no neon signs. nothing over the top.
i was just me.

i didn't have to be anything else.

because you caught me smiling for some reason other than yourself
and a bomb went off inside your head that sent you packing.

gives new meaning to kill them with kindness.

02/02/2010

Author's Note: you have NO idea how proud i am of myself.

Posted on 02/02/2010
Copyright © 2024 Nanette Bellman