in the shame of not making eye contact,
i gesture endlessly with my hands,
but they are empty,
like broken hourglasses,
unable to tell you anything, really.

if i look you in the eye,
all i see is a robotic shutter,
taking in information, studying, focusing,
computing out information;
you lose your humanity.

i want to see you as a person,
so i continue to look away,
and try and say everything,
but my hands always lie and tell you nothing
all the same

i do not want to be pulled apart,
analyzed, scoured for every bit
of observation possible,
i just want to be me,
but by doing all this,
i become nothing.

when i attempt to see others,
it is as if i have been drugged,
my senses heighten,
my vision becomes blurred around the edges
as if i was hallucinating,
and that is no way to view life at all.

so i shrink myself,
lie to myself,
separate myself from humanity,
all because i'm scared
of ever really being seen.

01/25/2010

Posted on 01/25/2010
Copyright © 2025 Jared Fladeland