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Red Eye
by V. Blakei'll impale you on a rod
when there's too much color in the chaos,
and too few cones in the retina
to warrant any alternative.
and you'll look back at me
like there might be some rope
tied to the end of my stare.
but you'll find no redemption
woven into the braid.
no salience of sorrows.
no fission of futures.
and i'll be just as empty as you,
or at least half as spiteful
with my wilting iris. 01/20/2010 Author's Note: Poemuary entry #20.
Posted on 01/20/2010
Copyright © 2024 V. Blake
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Therese Elaine on 01/21/10 at 12:28 AM The last stanza is my favourite...definitely a nice play on "seeing red"...you have the uncanny knack of turning out lines that are like whipcracks when you read them -it almost makes you stop with the sting of surprise...and of course, this is what makes me keep coming back!!! |
| Posted by Rachel Bennett on 01/21/10 at 01:57 AM I'm with Therese - that last stanza is golden, especially the "wilting iris" wordplay. I also liked the "salience of sorrows // fission of futures" part. |
| Posted by Michael Smith on 01/21/10 at 03:16 AM The thing I like most about this piece is how it transitions, not just with language, but with image as well. The imagery is intense! Would make for quite a scene in a movie or a video game. Finally, I am unable to decrypt the message. You win!
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| Posted by Johnny Crimson on 01/21/10 at 03:18 AM nearsighted of farsighted? Just Kidding!! Loved it. |
Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 01/21/10 at 03:53 PM"and you'll look back at me
like there might be some rope
tied to the end of my stare"
your mind is unlimited |
| Posted by Nicole D Gregory on 01/21/10 at 06:03 PM Darlin', this is what RawChester does to you... wow!!!... fantastic use of image combinations with you words! Ouch! Raw and Deadly with a calm like a deep river... I see, I see. ~N |
| Posted by Julie Adams on 02/28/11 at 01:52 AM Your poetic diction and design are a pleasure to marvel at, each image and stanza deserving of a red carpet, peace n poems, jewels |
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