Shouted Whispers by Amie GoldaI must write of sunny skies
And blue bleached waters
Yet mine eyes are cloudy, cloudy,
and mine mind, oh! how 'tis foggy, soggy!
I cannot feel today, the powdered beach front
Between mine toes whilst they remain
bound in leather;
And I cannot feel today, the dread of deadlines
nor the threat of a dry dismissal;
Not whilst I remain numb
And you are my crippling anesthetic 01/18/2010 Posted on 01/18/2010 Copyright © 2025 Amie Golda
Member Comments on this Poem |
Posted by Allison Smith on 01/18/10 at 07:47 AM A timeless write, almost adolescent. I loved it. |
Posted by Michael Smith on 01/18/10 at 09:40 AM Your writing has a maturity mine will never know, and I'd say it's even identifiable in this playful poem. I like this because it's got a style that's a bit different than your other stuff in your library. In fact, you seem to be showing us your versatility in other places. as well.
Honestly, this poem actually has me a little confused as the first stanza seems disjointed from the last two. I also seem to get a reference to school... but, in the end, the "you" in the poem remains an enigma to me.
|
Posted by Clara Mae Gregory on 01/18/10 at 11:12 AM Well, for me as the reader, this speaks volumes of what it feels like when I have to go back to work to teach school after spending it at the beach, a favorite place I'd rather be.Perfect ending line revealing the enigmatic reason:
"Not whilst I remain numb...And you are my crippling anesthetic". This could be a bottle of booze or a lover or even a protective family(mom, dad,or sibling). You leave the reader in suspense to speculate, not knowing exactly. Excellent!
|
Posted by Jo Halliday on 01/18/10 at 02:06 PM Brilliant work; I would have loved one more, longer, version. |
Posted by Joe Cramer on 01/18/10 at 05:18 PM ... such a brilliant write... I could not rate it high enough! My vote for POTD!!! |
Posted by V. Blake on 01/18/10 at 05:33 PM PS: I just realized that the typo in the title. It currently reads "Shouted Whipers." You missed a letter, dear. :) |
Posted by Therese Elaine on 01/18/10 at 06:30 PM The one part I kept coming back to was the fact that your feet are bound in leather so you can't feel the sand between your toes -and I love being barefoot so I can well understand that resentment that comes from having to don shoes!! With each piece of yours I read, I get more and more into how you craft your pictures for us -it's been a wonderful journey and I look forward to more! |
Posted by Michael Smith on 01/20/10 at 01:53 PM Congrats on being in the Top 10, Amie! 'Tis very much deserved. |
Posted by Alison McKenzie on 01/20/10 at 03:54 PM Very relatable! |
|