For once in my life, he gave me a father, for one month,
He treated me like his son,
He never told me about him though,

All he said was, "This is some good sh..,
You want some?"
He of course was referring to the body numb-ers,
The stuff that made him not feel the physical anguish,

I really wanted to know what he felt when his pops died,
So that I knew what to expect,
All he told me once was, "you can never change the past"

I guess I knew that I expected him to die,
So he did,
Just to have some humor he waited till 12:01AM,
He f...ing died on Christmas,
Then I could finally tell that he was at peace,

He left this earth for something better,
He saw something on the other side,
That I could not see,
I still wonder about where he is,
Although, I know that he is in my heart,

After all,
He made me,
He shaped me,
He formed my infrastructure,

And he showed me no way,
And all he ever said was to “be moderate,”
And I wonder if that is why I search for the middle way,

All of my drive is because of some thought,
That was intended to help me,
And it does, a little,

Can you imagine what it would be like if I had some character?
Just a few words to program me into being a real person,
Instead, I am some surreal-escapist, and I ponder metaphysics,
So that I can learn some mystical trade,

All of this I run in to,
Just to run away from,
The childhood,
The childhood,
The childhood
The one like mine,

Oh ya that was mine,
It still is mine,
I shall keep it all hidden,
Unless you read these words,
Who shall I show them to?

Can you keep a secret,
I am a bastard,
And that is okay,
I had a father once,
But now he is gone,

How sad.

04/28/1998

Posted on 01/11/2010
Copyright © 2024 Michael Defries