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Fluency (w/ Vince Blake)
by Anita MacYou move through me;
you already know the way.
My paths are old hat;
a formality.
The lines on my face
are streets you've walked
a thousand times, putting
one eye in front of the other.
Walked and never owned
never settled on
maybe coveted
maybe contemplated,
but only ever Known, even if intimately.
Still you managed to devote
enough neurons to the cause
to leave the rest of you
paralyzed.
It's startling, I know
to see the traces of
fingertips past
and maybe they might have been yours
in a universe of different decisions
... or one with better maps. 01/05/2010 Author's Note: Many thanks to Mr. Blake for the colaborative expansion of the first few lines and being generally awesome. Seriously, check out his library.
Posted on 01/06/2010
Copyright © 2024 Anita Mac
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by V. Blake on 01/06/10 at 02:14 AM I feel like what you've got here is a good start to what could be a great poem--I think you should see if you can't build on it. |
| Posted by Michael Smith on 01/06/10 at 05:22 AM This is intriguing, as it describes something which the poet could be objecting to, but it does it beautifully, such that, it's almost nice for the familiarity to exist. Either way, it's sexy, and has perfect flow and polish. Thanks!
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| Posted by Olivia Martin on 01/06/10 at 11:51 AM I am torn with this poem; although I somewhat agree with the notion that this is a start of a wonderful longer piece, I also truly admire the simplicity of the few short images and the expression of the title -- almost as if its better to say to little than too much. Either way, Anita, the few lines you have provided are exquisite, and I can't wait to read more! |
| Posted by George Hoerner on 01/06/10 at 01:31 PM I love this piece and could stand as it does or be expanded. When relationships become a formality one must look for 'indifference' and wonder if it should continue. Really nice write lady. |
| Posted by Genevieve Sturrock on 01/06/10 at 04:32 PM succinct and well stated. i love that you use so few words and leave such a large emotional impact. |
| Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 04/28/10 at 03:00 AM some how i missed this, but i'm glad i found it later rather than never. it is fantastic! |
| Posted by A. Paige White on 06/24/10 at 05:17 AM oh yeah. I was hooked with the first two lines. This is superbly crafted, and though I would love to read it expanded, it definitely doesn't Need it. My favorite stanza is the 4th one. When I read it, I felt like you'd sketched the most traveled street, highways and byeways, on the map of my life. Just beautiful. |
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