The question asked, What do you do with silence?
Or rather, Are you ever silent?
Sets off a series of thoughts
What does the question mean?
Is it silence or just being still?
Do they go together?
How about quietness?
I know what the words mean, and the intent behind the words...
The heart, I know the heart of the asker

In the early morning hours
When all is still in heart and mind
When vulnerability is all I feel
There is peace and I can listen

In the wee hours of the mornin'
There is something unspoken
I wish I could take with me
Through the rest of the day
A sense of wonder and freshness

But there are things to do
Work to accomplish, duties to perform
So my vulnerability gets wrapped in layers
Goals, work, thoughts, tasks, what I look like,
how I'm dressed, demands from others, demands from me,
perceptions, demands from God, guilt from inaction, consequences
of action good and bad, who I should interact with, when I should interact
with them, thoughts words and deeds, thoughts words and deeds, busy, busy, busy
Bees

Wishing I could still be - vunerable
Instead of insulated
Wrapped around myself, within myself

Can you be so insulated that you forget to respond
To the touch of the world?

To the touch of those who love you?
Can you lose the feeling, lose the way?

Even fear insulates,,,

So when I am tired I weep
Inside
When I am vulnerable I weep
Outside
Wishing to know and be known
Wishing to love and be loved
Wishing to be less packaged
More unwrapped

To live in the silent morning vulnerability
Carrying it throughout the day
Working, giving, serving, loving, while still being
Open, vulnerable

It is scary
Maybe this is a new way to live
I wonder if this is part of living in the light?

I have wept before someone
Open, raw, revealing, uninhibited, weeping
Exhausted, bone cracking dry, emotional, weeping
Stripped down to the core, weeping
Over sin, weakness, pain, undeserved grace
Second chances and the like
Then...
Failure not enough to risk for
Undeserving sent away soul searching brain wracking
Termination
Weakness comes back to haunt in shadows

It is painful to live in the light.
All is exposed and splayed out.
Vulnerability not asked for or desired.
Is this the way to live?

How can I live honestly and unwrapped
Carrying the vulnerability of stillness
Without dying inside from the pain?

12/23/2009