if i could sell everything i own
i probably wouldn't
i'd want to keep it all under my bed,
storage for the winter
breath for the fire


i need the money
but i don't have the time
to show for it
to make it bounce in the right direction


i've been flipping pancakes with the wrong hand,
the hand that has nothing to show for being creative
without being awake


the better half of my life spent downtown
spent on the stairs
being fucked by randomness
being fucked like a penny-pinching stranger


into one 
into this


i want to live underneath bleachers
watching people squirm
watching hands touch for the first time
awkward kisses 
proposals gone awry


living in-between 


the blinds are never open
and if they did, i wouldn't be able to hide it all
the patrons under the cushions
they were just passing through my unconsciousness
waking up before noon
only when they had to


then the door opens and 
it becomes cold again


if i could
i would live in your palms
right in the grooves
i'd ask you to slap me
slap me as hard as you could
in order to feel
warmth


i won't know when it's over
until 
it actually is.



12/07/2009
Posted on 12/07/2009
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Jo Halliday on 12/07/09 at 05:15 PM
A beautifully lonely write.
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 12/07/09 at 06:46 PM
There's always a stanza in any given work of yours that makes me pause, figuratively knocking me in a dozen different directions and forcing me to pause on finishing the rest of the poem, because I just have to read that stanza a couple more times. It's wonderful to get those moments out of any kind of reading, and it's a wonderful gift to the lot of us that you manage this at least once in every poem. In this case it's that first stanza. It sets such a wonderful high mark for this poem to continue, and you keep that momentum going through this whole thing. That sixth stanza is almost as good as the first. This is frank, powerful work. A harrowing, dark pleasure to read.
Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 12/07/09 at 07:22 PM
....a killer title (pun intended) Excellent poetics, Ava, thanks for the read!
Posted by V. Blake on 12/07/09 at 07:54 PM
Fantastic as usual, Ava. :)
Posted by Wayne Tate on 12/11/09 at 03:35 AM
if i could
i would live in your palms
right in the grooves
i'd ask you to slap me

you had me at hello. 
Posted by Julie Adams on 04/30/10 at 06:00 PM
ur words are a spell of just the right potions and ingredients, and how they turn a reader into a follower...kudos poet, your work is stella as usual...there is not a line, line break, or pause I didn't love...ur imagery inspires! peace to u, jewels xoxox
Posted by Tom Goss on 07/10/10 at 06:56 PM
A beautiful journey into whispered truths.