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let me
by Ava Blumaybe i am the rain today,
cold and wet and full of depression
as i strike the earth with force
as i sabotage plans
as i make them move to get out of my way,
little people dancing around to avoid me
maybe i became this because of it
because i couldn't avoid the rain
because i wasn't able to dance around
without feeling guilty
maybe the rain today is right
with its striking vengeance
i can hear snoring and cats crying through the rain
little whispers, like pawprints on the window
little reminders of the world growing
as you strike the ground
if i am not the rain today,
maybe I should just sleep
just lay around on the ground and wait for the rain
to stomp on me until I remember
to cry.
12/02/2009 Posted on 12/02/2009
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 12/02/09 at 09:46 PM Excellent personification of rain. It instantly reminds me of a line by Dorthy Parker: "Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain, and bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain". Very good poetics here, IMHO. Thanks. |
| Posted by Therese Elaine on 12/02/09 at 11:07 PM That second stanza is wonderful -I love the implication that you become a by-product of guilt or fear...some really lovely imagery you create! |
| Posted by V. Blake on 12/03/09 at 02:46 AM I don't have anything helpful to add. I like your poem, though. :) |
| Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 12/03/09 at 03:14 PM The rain clearly has more than one definition behind it in this one, and you rather breathlessly take us through all of them. Your tone in this is a little different, too. I'm not sure how to describe the difference, but the thought strikes me the most in that wonderful, wonderful first stanza. It might be the form you're playing around with here. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's one of the best opening stanzas I've ever read. It definitely comes as swiftly as a sudden thunderstorm. This is a work to be proud of. |
| Posted by Anita Mac on 12/04/09 at 04:19 AM Sometimes it's needed. This reminded me that I've got these two lines I'd like to work into something with you. Let me know if you're up for another; it's been a while. |
| Posted by Kris Mara on 12/04/09 at 02:04 PM your use of the rain and its power, of embodying it and all that can mean (the full range of it), followed up perfectly with you on the outside of it again...it just has such great power this way...great rise and fall...which mirrors the rain as well...I don't think I have the words right now to explain how well I think this is written...great work here. |
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