I fear
the calls
that come
at odd hours

the chance
of a hysterical voice
on the other end
of the phone

Mother…

there is no way
out of this one

is there?

for ALL our logic
there is no making
sense of this

I can’t,
I CANNOT
EVEN BEGIN
to understand
what it’s been like
to watch your body
slowly change
into something
you no longer
recognize.

(at least not on) the outside.

Inside
my existence is filled
with so many emotions
and memories
tied into knots

I am
bound to you
in an aching that is
the height of my happiness
and the deepest reaches
of sadness

I sit next to you
on the bed,
and you say
you think the world of me
and are proud
of the person I have become.

But you would be
disappointed to know
the decisions I have made
will keep me -

Perhaps forever,
so fallibly human.

Sometimes I feel like
we are both stuck
in these bodies,
fumbling along
the earth.

I see
the little girl in you
just waiting
to break free
and sprint wildly
into the distance.

Just one day
without pain.

gawd, if any of us deserve that.

you do.

12/02/2009

Author's Note:

Posted on 12/02/2009
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