Feels like teenage love, revisited.

We met at a bar, when I was feeling down,
was love at first site, or so i thought,
she was tipsy in a short dress,
blonde hair, blue eyes, just my type...
(or so i thought).

She disappeared into the night,
I finished off too many jack and cokes.
It was probably the best night of the summer,
downtown, chasing shots with mixed drinks.
I woke up on a couch in the suburbs,
too early to recall how or who I had gone home with.

I scoured the phone for details, and remembered
our brief encounter. Public display of affection,
before we could even say hello.
Usually, I never follow up, but I had a good feeling about her,
and her obscure name.

Early morning, next morning, text message.
going against everything i stand for,
something corny, like,

I wish you didn't leave last night

She responded right away,
again, something corny,
like,

me too

I let her be for a few days, then called about a week later.
I had an empty house and expected her to be willing.

Stole a fancy bottle of wine from my brother from napa valley,
and poured a few bottles,
was expecting her to be willing.

she was nothing of the sort,
we talked all night, and it was refreshing...

she had never left the state, never went to college,
father died a few years ago, was stuck in a dead end job,
she thought of packing up, going somewhere, didn't know how to say goodbye...

even though she had no one or nothing to say goodbye to.

she was not a party girl, and her hair was not a natural blonde,
her eyes, were not blue, they were green,
and she sipped her one glass of wine as i finished off the entire bottle.

She was nothing like what she seemed and I was obsessed.

I played it cool, and didn't give her a call for a few weeks..

we played this stupid new age game of cat and mouse with the cell phone,
strategically texting carefully thought words back and forth,
and eventually she put out in a car in front of her mom's house.

it felt like i was a teenager again...

the forbidden flesh and the heavy breathing, the foggy windows and the
shame when it was finished.

she apologized the next day, claiming she'd never done that before,
said we needed to take it slower...
we had long, deep conversations over the phone,
and i tried to be a 'gentleman'...

I've never been very good with relationships,
i had a hard time lying to her and to myself...

I have had more nights with strangers than i have with lovers and
I could have been her first stranger (or lover)

She was the type to sit back and judge when we went out at night,
she would sip her beer and talk about all the people in the bar...
what happened to the free spirit in the short dress?
the blonde hair, the blue eyes...

my type.

'sometimes', she said, 'there isn't a perfect time for someone to come into your life. but i'm glad you did'

I didn't know how to feel or what I wanted,
it had been so long since i wanted to be liked...

depression has a funny way of hurting the people around you,
the people who care about you,
the people who want to care about you...

she said she liked me, but she hated that,
because she didn't want to take the risk...

i thought it was probably the most intelligent thing i heard in a while
i thought maybe i was too experienced for her, but the more
i think about it i'm starting to think she may be
too experienced for me

10/20/2009

Author's Note: haven't written in a while, not sure where i'm going with this, needed to get something on paper...like most of my stuff on here this is raw and undeveloped.

Posted on 10/21/2009
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