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conception

by Kimberly Bowen

Rain spattered against the window
And back lashed onto the brick wall it faces
The wind slid her elusive hand
Along the netting of the window
Head under pillow I beg for silence
I need the sun to bring me hope today

I wish I could write you letters
And tell you of all the love I have
Just sitting beneath my chest
Waiting to cover you, smother you
I’d tell of the little boys in my class
And how I image your smile is like his
And your laugh is like his
How your conniving spirit would be
Far more creatively better than his

But what is a letter that I can’t send
And what is a tear worth
When the heart it beats toward
Never found its way out to light
Though I know no one who would wish it
I wish I could have had a chance
To debate between keeping you close
Or sending you to a stable place
With two people, that I’m sure could never
Match the love my soul possess for yours

I would have been damn good for you
You would have been a hell lot better for me
And I’ll never count it a blessing
We didn’t get to truly see how it would be
And selfish though it may sound
That I didn’t get to see your eyes, your smile
That your fingers never wrapped around mine
My heart is always one beat shy
Without you near my side

Truth be told, if I had it my way
I’d never write you a letter, not one
Because every morning
You’d wake up to my smile and kiss
And I’d tell you all these love words
You’d never second guess
I wouldn’t be whispering this secret
To a silent and elusive wind

I sit up and know
My heartbreak is one more year old

10/09/2009

Posted on 10/09/2009
Copyright © 2024 Kimberly Bowen

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