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[scraps] A rare and highly radioactive metalloid.

by Eli Skipp


I don't know if you knew this but they tell me, and I'm sure they're about right,
that a good part of why cigarettes give you cancer is because the ground is all
full of polonium 210, and you know what that is innit? No seriously, listen, that
shit is radioactive. They killed a man with it back in 2006, they sat him down,
and dumped it in his afternoon tea, and he swallowed it all glug glug and
died and died and died.

No seriously, listen, they did, and they put him in a hospital room but by all means
it's likely that him swallowing the polonium made him super toxic too because
Polonium 210 is like a gajillion times more toxic than cyanide, and guy, that stuff
killed Hitler. Well, that and a gun. But they say that he became radioactive, that
the people he came in contact with got sick the way he got sick, that they all were
heated up by this substance.

They use it to warm rocket ships. To remove dust from the films of photos. To make
anti-static brushes. It is totally responsible for lung cancer like I said before because
it's all up in our fertilizers and it gets sucked into the roots of plants.

That's alpha radiation, gross.

Of course they tried to get it out of cigarettes, tobacco companies knew, they've known since
like the 1960's, there's just nothing they can do. It's stuck there. How am I supposed to know
how it got in the ground? That's not the point. The point is that it's there, in my cigarettes, and
I'm going to become like, Spiderman or some junk. Badass, I know.

10/03/2009

Posted on 10/03/2009
Copyright © 2022 Eli Skipp

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Jim Benz on 10/03/09 at 10:49 PM

You and me both, schweetheart.

Posted by Jim Benz on 10/03/09 at 10:50 PM

In case you didn't know, that was a bad humphrey bogart impression. But he doesn't glow, he's only dead.

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