listening in

by Timothy Burns

You should quit smoking cigarettes.

I already did.

Your mom smoked.

She’s dead. (Laughter)

Police department will come
and arrest your mom.

She didn’t do nothing!

They’re gonna win.


(Blast off noise)

You know she’ll disown you.

You know all the time…Psychological

I’ll beat you in the head right now!
like this VCR!

It’s been a while…

Married to a kid.

I’ll show up one day with a
beautiful woman.

What’re you gonna do?

(Kissing noises)

Ransom and stealing

Really mad

I’ll start stomping her head in
the ground. Get her!

Put her in the car

I opened up her eyes

That’s a scam like Hillary’s doing.

(Laughter) You caught me there!

She did too.


What about it?

I was seventeen.

Let’s get out of the car
I can’t stand the smell.

(Joint smoking noises)

Meteor shower

That’s all she wrote

I suggested marriage

I took all his toys away

No man…who are You?

(Touches the Television screen)


I said did you have a problem?

I don’t care about it

I married her.

She asked and I wouldn’t tell her

Go back to the farm, have a good time.

There’s the Sherriff

I said get away from me!

Walk in a cave


Dog meat


I really loved the ceremony (said sarcastically)
(Fake Cries)

Bear Claw


I couldn’t live there

Cop a tree down

Long chain

(Laughs Megalomaniacal)

Fish eyes

Felt like…

That’s what I’m saying.

(Hissing noise)

Fred Flintstone


Quit smoking cigarettes.

Do you smoke?

Did you trip her?

(Talks like a baby) H-He get caught!

That’s alright Michael

See you later



He did that he’s…

Alright bye, alright bye.


(Fake Cries)


Author's Note: I work at a library and this guy came one day and sat down near my desk and this was what came out of his mouth.

Posted on 09/23/2009
Copyright © 2021 Timothy Burns

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Charlie Morgan on 09/23/09 at 04:16 PM

...non-sequiter after non-sequiter...i love the 'listening-in' part of peeps who talk loud enough to be heard, sorta a "hey! look at me, i can talk." good capture of a human being being human.

Posted by Anita Mac on 09/25/09 at 02:25 AM

I'm not sure which is funnier, a random guy on his phone or a drama student... Either way, glad you wrote it down. ;o)

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