asshole,

it's very easy for me to sit here and blame you for everything. for me to look back at each moment that i should have walked away from you. you hurt me ooohhh so deeply. you have jaded my outlook on love. . . on life. be proud of yourself each time you look in the mirror. be happy of the freedom and weight you have lifted off your shoulders. smile each time you look at her, or any other piece of shit that is fortunate enough to be called your "girlfriend." for you ARE the MAN. you are the top DOG. no one compares to you.

after all, you are the one who, over the years, stripped away my confidence. you are the one that pointed out my faults, my insecurities and managed to make them bigger than what they were. you are the one that drew me away from everyone and everything that ever mattered to me. you and YOU alone made me depend on you as an infant depends on a teet!

by your hands you destroyed a strong minded person. you barely left a caring spirit and therefore destroyed all hope. be proud of the man you have become. partying every night, heavy drinking and hanging out till the weeeeeeeeee hours of the morning. i'm sure that will last. it was always in you. smile in the mirror because each step you have take was on my back. my back that finally gave way and eventually broke. MY back that could no longer bear the weight of your ego.

you may have washed away everything that we were, but you will never wash away my blood from your hands. when you finally find out what happened to me and read this letter, please be sure to attend the funeral. BRING HER WITH YOU. be sure to walk in with that sly smile as you bite your tongue ever so slightly. take a good look at the mourners and control your laughter. wait until they ask if anyone wants to say anything, then take center stage. i'm sure you'll enjoy being in the spotlight. you always were "the golden boy." lie through your teeth, just like you did for eight years, and say how much you loved me and how much you cared for me. wink at her. tell them how much you wished you could take it all back. how sorry you are that i was not strong enough to be without you. let a tear or two drop. go ahead baby. . . feed that ego.

now you can truthfully say you have the power. the power to destroy another human being. I AM DEAD. i no longer exist. thank you. but i can't continue to blame you. it's not your fault. it's my fault. just like you taught me. i let you lead me to this. go ahead FISH smile. you win.

05/21/2009

Author's Note: needed to vent a lil. . . divorce SUCKS!

Posted on 05/21/2009
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