the queen of daffodils levees a tax on immaterial luxuries.
by Eli Skipp
the queen of daffodils has informed the king of dinosaurs that boredom and existential
crises are luxuries. he says she's been reading too many novels about loneliness, but
cannot stop her from levying a tax on their subjects.
(unfortunately they make no revenue -- not because their subjects are especially prod-
uctive or especially accepting of reality, but because all of his subjects have been
fossilized and are thus exempt, and all of her's have migrated for the winter).
in frustration she levies taxes on all things that are luxuries, but which are also im-
material: fetishes, the right to be indignant, superfluous knowledge of very specialized
categories including but not limited to nascar drivers, internet memes, lines of discont-
inued toys, and esoteric foods, the right to fall out of love based on clashing work
schedules, star signs, and sex drives, restless leg syndrome, and self-centeredness.
the list grows as does the queen's frustration: not only is she failing to make money
from taxing these luxuries, but she is losing money in the process! she gives money to
the kingdom every time she invents new sexualities, references pop culture, defines her
life around the fact that she has decided to be an extrovert, or feels intellectual.
in the end she is forced to revoke the taxes, but not before her wealth had gone to re-
vitalizing the city (which if we're honest, just means she added some extra legos here
and there). the queen of daffodils finds herself without material luxury in lieu of an
excess of immaterial frivolity. while she is intangibly richer for the journey, she
feels she's been had: she stages a tea party protest against her oppressors! the king
of dinosaurs brings the scones.
Author's Note: just for fun.
Posted on 04/20/2009
Copyright © 2022 Eli Skipp