how does it feel to know that the man you're with is a coward?

that when you look into his eyes you will never truly know if he is lying or telling the truth, that one day, when you least expect it, it will happen to you too.

let me guess, he told you that i meant nothing to him anymore. he was tired of my lack of caring and that i just wasn't the same.

he always wanted a 50/50 relationship & he felt that he was putting it all on the table & i was just taking.

what he never told you is that he loved me. he tried on many occasions to make it work. to regain my attention. the many i love you's and careless gifts. the trying very hard for a child that never came (he was shooting blanks, but too cocky to admit). how i held his hand along the way, kept him from quiting when he was too weak to continue, and supported him through the rough patches he had, and will continue to have, with his family.

ask him how he cried in the very morning hours the day his tool was almost taken away from him. who sat beside him and held his hand while he waited for that call. ask him how fustrated he got with him and who told him eventually he will turn around.

ask him how he felt the day he realized he made me physically ill and how much he cried and apologized for pushing me to the edge.

what he was too selfish to notice is that i grew tired. tired of always picking him up, letting him drive my car, paying the bill, believing his " oh baby, let me get this first one out" (it's the only one he's got), listening to him go on and on about how much he hates his employer. . . since day one, but never had the balls to do something about it.

tired of his OCD. . . keys, cellphone, wallet

tired of how anal he is, the way he judges everyone without knowing, how very discrectly he will draw you away from your friends and your family.

he's good at what he does. that sly smile and the way he bites his tongue when he's concentrating. . .

he wrote me an email a long time ago, ask him for the copy, i'm sure he still has it. he said he was afraid that he would never find someone to grow old with. he was glad that he found me.

ha, well you see where that lead me. if he did it to me, with years of friendship WAY before a romance was kindled, what do you think he'll do to you?

one last thing you might want to ask him is, what he said to me after i found out about you. how he came to my side, got on his knees and cried and begged for my forgiveness. how he said he never wanted it to end this way and that you were just along for the ride. it was over between you two.

never doubt this, he will never change. he's set in his ways. but, each morning he wakes up, i will be a presence in his life.

know this, i can move on with a clear conscious, my head held high and knowing i did all i could. he will forever have me on his mind and wonder. . .

you see, you will always be the other woman. to his friends, to his family, to his co-workers and more importantly to him. hope you enjoy that reputation, it will never fade. just ask him about his father's wife.

03/01/2009

Posted on 03/09/2009
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