Why is it
that Death is always such a surprise
and so shockingly painful?
You never know
just how much a living being can mean to you,
until you are given the news
and you are suddenly doubled over
and gasping for breath.

Death has no reverence for
anniversaries or coincidences,
for special occasions, solemn days
or even for the every day
when that living being was happy and smiling
and playing and laughing
and then the sun goes down
and you wake up and things are all wrong
and before the next sunset
that living being is gone. Death has come
and stolen his breath
and left you thinking
'how? how? how? he was just here, he was just fine,
we were just so happy, there was no signs'
and your mind can not compute it,
Death does not grant you a warning
so that the tiny threads of your heart will tear slowly,
less painfully,
it is always a sudden explosion in your chest
and your heart has been obliterated, with no apologies or care

and Death does not offer reasons
and Death does not accept trades, or barters or gifts.
No exchanges or deals, not
'one more day, please. please.'
Death is not even kind enough to ease your mind
and you are always left with
'what if, what if, I should have, I could have, but why'
and you go over every moment
with a fine tooth comb, looking uselessly for a branch in the tree
that you could have taken instead
that would have left that little life with you,
and your heart could have remained intact.

Days go by, though it feels like time is stopped.
The world is revolving, but you are standing still.
The machinery is working, but you feel as if the pieces arent fitting.
You wash the dishes,
you go to work
you get up in the morning
and lay down at night
your body moves through its motions
but your soul
has fallen to its knees
pulling at its clothes
shedding tear after invisible tear,
choking, gagging on sobs
crying out
NO!
NO!
NO!

and finally, just

'please.'

02/20/2009

Posted on 02/20/2009
Copyright © 2024 Vikki Owens