Its like a memory of long ago...
no, not like, it IS a memory,
come flooded back in a split second,
I feel like a child,
not in a good way.
The perspective of the walls and doors climb
till they tower,
the people around me become vicious Titans,
voices thundering in the atmosphere,
I hear the banging and thumping of
destructive, angry movement of objects
in a fit of temper.
It is midnight
and from out of the ether comes a tempest
for reasons I cant discern,
like my mother
flying up the stairs with the switch in hand,
landing stinging, lashing blows
without ever saying a word....

you grow up
and learn to read people for
the tiniest hint or inkling that
something is wrong,
anger becomes your greatest fear,
'are you angry? are you mad at me, are you sure?'
over and over you ask
till it becomes self-fulfilling...
you can see in once glace
an expression of emotion
disgust
anger
contempt,
it flutters around your loved ones in a fog
that fills you with a dread to your very core,
'are you mad at me? are you sure?'

dear God, please dont let him be mad at me,
I dont know what I did
but he seems very brusque,
he seems off,
he seems to be giving me the evil eye,
he seems quiet
he must be angry...
please, dont let him be angry.

please dont let him start slamming things around,
dont let him give me the silent treatment,
dont let him turn into the big-bad-wolf
dont let me feel like a child again,
let me remain adult,
please help me to not let his unspoken anger
fill me with helpless rage,
please help me to bite my tongue
and not make it worse...

'are you angry? are you sure?'

02/11/2009

Posted on 02/11/2009
Copyright © 2024 Vikki Owens