III.


I imagine
only the hall light
is on,
my face half veiled
by darkness,
when I've got it
in my head to tell
you my plans
to leave.

My voice cracks
because I know
there is no pretending
after this,
each word
is another brick
into the wall -

a rift
converging
between you
in the livingroom
and I
in the kitchen.


II.


I will admit
we both know how
to ruin a good moment.

And though
we have made it serve us,
there are days
and parts of this
that I want none of.

I am too heavy headed
thinking on scales and levels
that weight my heart –
comparisons that
shrink the very
essense out
of life.

I’ve always
envied everything I'm not -
a psychology
that won't let me
love my own hands -
or allow us a shred
of peace together.

Never sure of my place,
time turning into resentful years,
the doubt in myself
the firmament
of my depression.

you
could never
do right.

I am so sorry.


I.


When I saw you
for the first time
my eyes softened
and gave birth
to ideas far beyond
those of our fathers.

I know you
in ways that
humanize the deepest
imagery of the soul –

intimate details that flirt
with embarrassment,
as if I was allowed
to be honest as the light
that carried the lines
of your body
into vision

there are paintings of you
i will never forget.

I often wonder
If God could really be
so far away
from the happiness
I felt.

If in the end
it really matters
how we connect,
as people who become
lovers –
but rather why we reach
the irreproachable place
in the middle,
and what it is
we learn there.

02/09/2009

Posted on 02/10/2009
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