I watched you disappear
into your room with a door,
with your professional smiling and welcoming you in.
Then the door shut
and I had an hour to sit.

From time to time
I could hear the swell of your voice up and down,
the timber and the bass,
some alto,
but the tones did not make words that I could hear,
I couldnt listen in
and I felt tears welling in my eyes, as much as I tried to stop them
and think logically.

Why cant I sit in there with you
and just listen to you try and unravel yourself?
I've tried so hard
for so long
to understand you,
to be inside your head
and know what you are thinking.
I have begged and begged you to talk to me
only to have you go to someone else
and shut the door on me.

I feel the need to micro-manage you.
I feel the need to know every detail
so that I can steer this ship accordingly.
Its like asking to build a house with me,
and never letting me see the blue-prints.
I feel I NEED to hear these conversations
or our house will fall.

But that's not really the way of it.
And you deserve your privacy as well as me.
You deserve to learn at your own pace
and have your own revelations and epiphanies
without me watching over your shoulder.

Its just so difficult to be on a different side of the door.

01/30/2009

Posted on 01/30/2009
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