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people need me more than I ever need them

by Ava Blu

one day I'm going to slice open my wrists
and leave a note on my desk that says,
"thanks for the monotony"

I'm not sure anyone would get it,
and I wonder if they'd fire me

the other night I was walking with Amy,
taking in the snow and the air of a winter that we so rarely see

we saw this bright light in the sky,
unsure whether it was a planet,
a satellite
or a star;

we just knew it was a beacon for something
mixed along with our breath in the sky

she is struggling with finding a place for herself
against the stress of never knowing where her boundaries lie,
and I just wanted a place to walk

I can't lose myself around her,
I can't go off inside my head and just listen,
but I never mind, even when it becomes draining

Amy leans over the railing at the bridge
and I wonder if she's thinking of jumping in,
thinking of moving ahead without saying goodbye;

instead I see her eyes closed
and I know she's whispering a prayer

I am silent
and stunned by the ability I have to move past,
easily,
without fading away

after a minute,
I throw the powder snow into the air above us
and tell her to do the same,
letting it soak through our gloves
and wet our hair;

we needed a break,
we needed a slow-paced moment of closure

is this how it ends up when one person is breaking down and another is letting go?

I compare her to an ex,
to a few of them,
who didn't think they had anything to offer me;

they so rarely did,
besides a few anecdotes for my poems

after three hours of walking she wanted ice cream
and I decided I could hang around a little longer,

just long enough to watch her build.

01/22/2009

Posted on 01/22/2009
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 01/22/09 at 06:35 PM

What can I tell you? Another brilliant shot, and another contender for one of your best I've ever read. What I love about this is how it not only captures that walk, the beauty of the scene itself, but how it manages to work in thoughts on the past, present and even the future. It seeks to cover a lot of ground, and you pull it off beautifully.

Posted by Nanette Bellman on 01/23/09 at 05:06 PM

the title of this alone, hits home for me at the present moment. this whole thing is amazing.

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