it had been so long since i had sex during the day
with all the days lights on.
i couldn't look at you.
i hadn't had sex with anyone i actually cared about
since god knows when.
i knew i wouldn't regret you,
yet i couldn't look at you.
because i know this isn't definite
and there may be an end to this.

you asked if i thought i had you yet,
and i suppose there was a part of me that did.
or at least i hoped so.
but that hope wasn't enough to let me look at you.
it isn't enough to allow me that comfort.

you left me to go to work,
and i wondered if you would be back that night.
wondered if you would take a night away
to mull over things in your head.
all i could do was sit at home and wonder.
for once, i had no desire to get out
and be around all the people in this world.

i sat at home and wondered
if i would ever be able to look at you.

12/02/2008

Posted on 12/03/2008
Copyright © 2026 Jessica A Steenbock