You couldn't push me as often as I might have liked, and I grew impatient with the swings. Walking across the park, I just remember everything being so tall. And there she was, "The Rocket Ship". A giant gargantuan slide of epic proportions. It had always intrigued me, and more often then not, downright terrorized my thoughts. It had a secret spot you could sit and watch the kids go down. The teens would smoke grass and whatever else up there, but you know nothing of this when you're 7. I even dreamed about it. My parents were still together and they took me to the park. My father was on the ground smiling and telling his neurotic jokes to anyone who would listen, while I climbed up the ladder to my favorite park mystery. There were older kids on the slide, they seemed to know what they were doing,but still I avoided them at all costs. Finding my spot, my comfortable secret on the ride, I waved to my mother, but something else distracted her (I think he was Italian) Suddenly the ship was shaking and it was no longer just a rocket/slide combo. Smoke and flames were billowing from below us and my parents disappeared in its wake. As we left the ground I began to feel more alone than normal and I heard "Ground control to Major Tom" over and over from some far off radio. I remember looking up and a pilot man was staring down at me with his oxygen mask unhooked from one corner of his face. Silent he sat (looked like he was the one controlling things), it was if I didn't exist. I woke up then. Probably sandwiched between my paranoid parents. Probably on some night Dad came home drunk with another floozy and mom beat the shit out of him, and sent her packing. It was probably one of those nights where I would draw on these giant spools of typewriter paper all night until I was told to "get to bed". And with no one to play with, I saw things. I really heard and observed things. Alone. When you two fought I was there. In my room, ear hot pressed to the floor. And I was a dreamy boy. Thoughts raced through my head about massive floods, and how I would captain that old boat in our backyard and finally get us out of here. I had conversations with guys that dad would have strangled, but dad wasn't there. Old Army vet neighbor would talk to me in the middle of the day. Once he said "Wait right there." In less then a minute he was in full fatigues with an M-16 (loaded). I froze, but this type of analyzing is something I still do. It's really why I see the world differently, and I'm only starting to admit this to myself. There was no one else to talk to except adults. No cousins, or friends (to speak of). Babysitters was another avenue I'll approach some other time. When you want to listen Dad. When you're not too busy* Mom...

11/26/2008

Posted on 11/27/2008
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