he was father time, making his laps in the pool, ticking off the minutes of our conversation. probably the only reason i stayed as stoic as i did. i couldn't look you in the eyes; i knew if i did the girl inside would come out. she would be crying and screaming, "PICK ME!" feeling as though i was again in middle school playing dodge ball, wondering why i was last.

i sat inside my head, debating the things to say and not to say. i knew i had made the right choices in words, yet i still felt as though you just didn't see. i wanted my movie ending, where the camera pulls back as you say all the things i wanted to hear. instead we sat, almost silently, as i stared at the pool.

now i sit at home, contemplating my fate. will he or won't he. will he love me forever? will he be just my friend? i try to push these thoughts out of my mind as i go through my day, yet you come creeping back every minute. you're in my mind in every conversation, in every act and every job i take on. two weeks is a long time, and an eternity when i'm waiting.

11/22/2008

Posted on 11/23/2008
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