Entry 1.

Straining my eyes in the almost night I read your address to myself off the palm of my hand.
34 Alldane.. or is it Allendane, Dale?
The cold sweat had intimidated the ink and caused it to run south. Fleeing every responsibility, much like myself this night.

When the sun split in two on the previous day
I knew that I must come to you. Ice formed on everything that wasn't already burning and the fires too eventually died where they started.

Has the cold swallowed the earth, or is it just Westchester County?

I must travel to the surely barren corners of this land. To the north I will walk, desolate and alone in this white landscape.

And upon surviving my journey I will attempt to cross the Tappan Zee Bridge,
if it still remains.

For I know that you lye on the other side,
somewhere buried in this winter apocalypse.

Probably passing the time.
Probably with him.

I've lied to myself on this 9 year journey.
Eating snow and the trail mix that lines these ancient digs I've got on,
Surviving is nothing ,
this will be a breeze compared to the struggle of trying to get you flat.

Through Tarrytown I slumber in the solace of a downhill turn. Entering the Western woods of Sleepy Hollow I am desperately needing a horse to cross the bridge.

I was willing to risk my head if the horseman wished to seek me out.But he really left decades ago, sold out and fell in love's what I hear.

My lashes frozen to my face I awoke in a church, seated in a pew marked "Sean I'm waiting."

Bottles of scotch and rum ran down the aisles toward me.

As I watched this whiskey wedding march my nerves got the best of me and my hands found your illusionary body for the night.
I turned all the bibles face down of course but
I'm starting to wonder If I've already had you
As I entered the food court of the now frozen galleria mall
I noticed the music still playing from when life was here.
Before the sun split.
Before the knot tying.

The perfect ambiance to write a novel in.
The perfect conditions to die of starvation and sexual dysfunction.

Roaming the halls I chopped a dead security guard
out of the ice block that held him upright.
First human contact since I left New Rochelle.
As he fell to the floor I prayed I'd hear some change jingle in his pockets
as the arcade was still alive and poppin'.

Well hot fuck diggity the chump had but a dime.

These spirals fell all around me and
her spirit bequeathed warm breath upon my brow.
Savoring silence I heard all your subtleties.
Scratching and biting while we twist in the dark
Your eyes melted into green pools around my feet
and I realized I never felt a security guard that way.

The bridge was gone

Frozen sludge at my feet grew colder as I
made my way down the slippery banks of Tarrytown and into
the Hudson River.

Unerwater eels carried me to the Rockland County side and
I thought about how jealous you'd be.
Ironically I was dumped off at the haverstraw marina. Where boats
lay in waiting of captains who were all surely ice monsters by now.

Much like the life you think you've snagged.


As I entered the church, someone had saved me a seat. And I think the splitting sun bullshit was just something I made up.

The architecture was a bit distracting. All these warm scenes of double plated stained glass, and half naked bodies, stabbing eachother in angels glow.

At the head of the church everyone began clapping.
And although muffled I heard you gasp.
Not because you saw me there,
Not like that would ever effect you.
Not because you're unknown savior was just half a football field away.
But I think your nail broke or something. Your mom giggled, and so did he.
I in turn decided to find those old bats in the belfry they always talk about. Turns out you can only see those bats if you've hanged yourself from the bell.

So as the service released, and the procession was driving away, I think you waved to me as everthing was fading in and out. I took one last picture of you with my eyes, thank heavens he was already in the car. So after seeing my journey through, and getting probably what I always expected, I twitched and dripped from the bell tower and onto the crucifix below. I was suddenly aware of how dead I was becoming.
And I coulnd'nt help but think.
"This should have been you!"

10/11/2008

Posted on 10/11/2008
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