oh, there's a landslide of glorious endings
that i have given us. but really
i'll just drive away making mental lists:
tooth brush, coffee grinds, yogurt.
and maybe i'll have the radio on,
something really
irrelevant
playing in the background.

God, it's never as glamorous as you imagine it,
is it?
i'll try to weep, force myself not to blink,
wait for that little cry lump in the back of my throat to form
so that you might hug me tighter, or find some
meaningful thing to say.
but in the end someone will trip over a stairway
or make an embarrassing sound
and it will ruin
all i hoped would be emotionally fulfilled.

really, i don't even much care for any of it,
the small town dementia and the acquainted strangers
doing a bus stop lollygag pretending like their interested hustle.
it's too hot for ballistics on the street so we all cut the kindness and move on.

it's just a bigger place for me to get lost in.
somewhere to blend like charcoal drawings
and pretend that i am someone better and be stronger
and buy raw foods and never eat them,
stuff myself with cookie dough when no one's there to watch.

and all my fears are common,
i just hope they like me. that
i find someone to sleep with
and that you'll miss me
when i'm gone.

08/14/2008

Posted on 08/15/2008
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