it seems everyone has a plan,
throwing up their caps or spreading their legs
for the future.
and now we're making money and making babies,
sending out our invites with their ribbon lace.
i hear that you're a mess these days, but not from you.

what does it mean tonight that i'm alone on purpose?
that i've said no to the only tangible thing towards moving on?
that i pushed his chest away from me as he leaned in
and told him not to stay for me, told him that i just couldn't settle down.

and God i feel so old tonight,
swirling gin and tonic with my wrist and watching
the clumsy dance of courtship fall all over itself.
someone calls me beautiful, drunk and inadverdent
swinging lanky limbs towards me, asking to dance.

and with this man wrapped around me i realize just how long its been
since i've been comfortable in anybody's arms,
feel his breath into my neck and i know he thinks
he's going home with me tonight. but no one is.

when the song is over, i sit down heavy on a chair outside,
think about you, and how it's been just a year
and i'm trying to remember what you said before you left,
the color of your eyes, or the way you smell.
and i just can't.

i wonder if you've already been declared the means to all my ends,
and if i'll ever be able to just get over you.

05/16/2008

Posted on 05/17/2008
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