i don't speak much
i don't smile much
i don't reach out
and i am sure
that you think
(or are told)
that i don't care

but i fear the words
that are scrabbling
franctically through my mind
trying to escape my thoughts
so i clamp my lips
tightly closed
there is nothing
i can say right now
that you are able
to hear and understand

i only smile
when i am happy
and i am in the
depths of sorrow
when we are together
and under the
watchful eyes
of others for i know
that every word i say
every movement i make
is recorded and replayed
later through the distorted lens
of vain pettiness

if i were to touch you
to hold you in my arms
it would take
the strength of angels
to pry you out again
and i know that you
would suffocate within
the bonds of my embrace
and so i stand
with my arms wrapped
tightly around myself

but my loves, my life
one day you will
no longer be children
living under the
guidance of those
who disdain my
very existence
and when that day comes
that bright and
glorious day
when we can talk
and i can laugh
i will reach out
and touch your
beautiful faces
you will see beyond
this blank wall
and into a vast sea
of love, pride and
patient support

until then i stand by
silent, stoic and guarded
waiting
for you
to find me

04/21/2008

Author's Note: i hope they know, somewhere deep inside, how much the sacrifice of letting them go has cost me. i am crippled without them. they are the sun in my life and everyday they glow brighter.

Posted on 04/21/2008
Copyright © 2025 Genevieve Sturrock