I don’t think I know You anymore,
But maybe I never did.
Like a child who’s parent has died,
I try to remember Your essence
And cannot.
But I know it’s me,
Because You are surely unchanging.
Any discrepancy must come from my side.

Still, there is no comfort in this understanding;
To quiet myself in prayer
Yet feel alone,
To reach for Your comfort
And pull back an empty heart.

Jesus once said,
“Come and follow Me,
And I will make you fishers of men.”
My nets are always empty these days,
But then the water-ways are so polluted
That it doesn’t surprise me one bit,
Not even a little.

The money changers have kicked religion
Out of schools and politics,
Only they didn’t replace it with
Anything of substance
Or, for that matter,
Anything at all.

Children are killing their parents,
And parents are selling their children
In Your name.
A gallon of milk is as expensive
As a gallon of gasoline.
Cows are being killed at a rate
Too high to be able to calculate the cost of
Violence vs. nutrition,
But I know we all lose because of it.

The very trees that keep us breathing
Are being slaughtered to make a sheet of paper
Or a new armoire.
Bees are mysteriously dying,
And then where will our crops be?
It’s snowing in the middle of April
And there’s no sign of it stopping today.

Time zips along so fast now,
You can’t catch your thoughts
Long enough to truly consider them,
Let alone your breath,
And the days grow shorter
Every time I take note of it at all.

And these are not even the tip of this iceburg.

I hear it’s the age of kaliyuga,
Quarrel and hypocrisy
And this, I can believe,
For in the chaotic fray of these tides,
I don’t encounter You.
Your absence is as tangible
As the evil I encounter every day.
Still, somehow, I am sure of Your mercy.

Not that knowing You has
Much to do with any of this,
But I remember a time,
Drifting there on the fringes,
When, at every opportunity
I swear I felt You,
Your steady guidance,
The assurance of Your love.

Father, Confidant, Provider,
Object of my most auspicious aspirations,
Where have you hidden
In this broken life
That I should not find You today,
And how many more paths shall I take,
Falling upon my face,
In search of You?

I will not surrender to despair,
For I believe, though I do not know,
That You are everywhere!
I am surrounded by You;
Indeed, filled with You.
Yes I still believe, though I do not know.

04/20/2008

Author's Note: *sigh* These are times full of confusion and searching.

Posted on 04/20/2008
Copyright © 2025 Alison McKenzie