In these halcyon days of a brave new world
I slip on inconsistencies as much as ever.

Experience is no guarantee that the choices I make
will be triumphant
or a fall from grace.

If I take a thought wrong-turn,
I end up just as easily euphoric in self-confidence
as delirious with self-loathing.

Already raw from a lifetime of wounds unhealed,
a stranger might think
I would be more careful not to punch myself in the heart.
But ... yesterday I lost consciousness again.
Stumbling into the rising sun,
I was seized by a fear petrified with horror,

I teetered speechless
at the sight of my fractured skull
laying scattered on the bleeding yoke of a yellow sky.
I lay down - immobile -
my logic paralyzed - anchored to a mountain of illusion.

I could not see the sky in you.
I chose not to look.

My mind heavy with hallucinations,
eyes clouded with imagination,
I wished I had never been born.

I make myself sick with self-pity.

I sacrificed my mountain-blue.
Why couldn't I see the sky in you?
I did not do my very best.
I'm filled with fear I've failed this test.

Granite talons clutch tight my heart.
Misfit thoughts betray me.

What will it take to see me through?
If only I could have seen in you.
.

04/07/2008

Posted on 04/08/2008
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