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Resume
by Steven Craig
"He's a complete idiot!!!" Ted Felix, Staff Programmer.
"Taught him everything he knows.
There, can I get my pardon now?" Charles Manson, Jail Bird.
"Can't even use a word processor. He's of no use to anyone in the
industry." William Gates, Company President and CEO, Microsoft.
"He had another mans name in his hat. I think he's a spy."
Richard O'Connell, Company President and CEO, Myiad Logic.
"They thought he was dead, so they gave him a medal. If they knew he was
still alive, they'd line him up against the wall." MSgt. John Records,
Special Operations Group, U.S. Army Forces, Thailand.
"He's a complete idiot!!!" Ted Felix, well-known local radio personality,
94.5 Walkerhouse Radio, 'Where the dead still cline to life'.
"He caused me to lose my satellite! Fire the son-o-bitch!!"
Dr. Chris Feschells, Assistant Director, Applied Physics Laboratory,
John Hopkins University.
"He just marched right in here like he owned the place. Took those
'wanted' posters of himself right off the wall without so much as a
by-your-leave. Must have needed those pictures pretty darn bad."
Festus J. Merele, Postmaster, Frederick, Maryland.
"The few times I've drilled his teeth, its dulled 3 drill heads. If the
rest of his head is that hard, I pity the brain surgeons." Dr. Julius
Eckridge, Dentist, Rockville Maryland.
"He's a complete idiot!!!" Ted Felix, base guitar in the internationally
un-recognized rock group Natural Log.
"He really does do more than just burps. Sometimes, he farts."
Lola Hatter, sister.
"He really could get one or two lines of code written a day, if he could
just keep all that shredded cheese out of his keyboard." Duane Soskey,
GPS Operations Manager.
"Steven told me that he met Lyndon La Rouche on his way to prison a few years
back. I was just wondering . . . does anyone know how long Steven was in
prison?" John A. Davis, North Carolina hick with a MSEE.
"Could I see your drivers licence and registration card . . .? Oh!, its
you again." Cpl. Jesse Burrette, Maryland State Police.
"If snake-bites were half as bad as his ideas, no one would survive them."
John T. Ritterhaus, U.S. Government Patent Office, Washington D.C.
"It took three months to get him to stop drooling in the finger paints."
Mrs. Anne Wilson, First Grade Teacher.
"It took three months to get him to stop drooling in the finger paints."
Mrs. Ruth Gardener, Second Grade Teacher.
"It took three months to get him to stop drooling in the finger paints."
Mr. Henry Shade, Third Grade Teacher.
"I remember that he once looked at the back of a penny through a
microscope for nearly four hours. He could have seen it much clearer
if he hadn't drooled so much on the slide."
Mrs. Amy Sheridan, Fourth Grade Teacher.
"Did any one ever teach him how to spell? Hell, they couldn't even get
him to stop that damn drooling!!!" Ms. Francis King, Principal who
expelled Steven after 3 kids slipped on the drool during gym.
"I am not the crook. He's the crook." Richard M. Nixon, former
President of the United States, now a moldering body.
"You want to do what?!?!?!?!" Gail Yanochec, Kinky Callgirl.
"I earnestly believe that he would be an extreme menace to society, but
for one thing. The man can't count his balls and come up with the same
number twice." Dr. Sheldon Glass, Phd., Maryland State Mental Examination
Board and resident explainer of the odd and twisted mind.
"Look, you can't spell, you can't lift more than 3 pounds, you can't count,
you don't know an exhaust pipe from a fuel pipe, you drive on the left,
power tools spin you around, a filthy barn smells better than you ever do,
and you think laying bricks has something to do with sex . . . . say, ...
have you ever given any thought to getting into computers?"
David A. Broadhurst, Employment Councilor, Naval Special Projects Office
03/16/2008 Posted on 03/16/2008
Copyright © 2024 Steven Craig
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by A. Paige White on 03/16/08 at 02:25 PM *GUFFAWS*
This is hilarious! Love it! "pity the brain surgeons" indeed! "laying bricks has something to do with sex" .... Thanks for the laughter Steven! My pick for potd. |
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