{ pathetic.org }

The epitome, the frigid, and the night I started running.

by Becca Kinser

Pinholes and snapshots,
Learning to floss properly,
Things I could be doing other than this…

I’m sitting in a destroyed room pushing buttons.
Having temporary lulls of logical thinking…
Inert wandering
Bumping into things
Five hundred million people all
With the same face, not that numbers mean anything.
I knew this would happen, you’ll never speak now, just make noise and
Bubble mud from your lips.

Today I woke up clothed for the first time in weeks, without remembering I ever fell asleep in the first place. I touched the puffy semicircles under my eyes, named them Amaze Meant after the past few months, tripped on my feet, forgot about it. Checked out my ribcage in the mirror, pulled on my pants, tried to forget about it, stumbled over my feet. Fed my cat. Put on a shirt; I thought about something. Went to work and ate something. Wrote something on a napkin, threw it away, forgot about it. I napped and dreamed of something. Woke up and had nothing within all those somethings because so much of some things have always been you.

A million and one pinpricks in the one you hope he won’t give up on
So you’ll really have someone to blame
Softness and shaking all in its right being
My mediocre, socially acceptable, face.
A somewhat less than sickening invasion of bodily fluids and brainwaves…
[Or is it brainwaves and electrical wires?]
Signs you’re in it for the all the wrong reasons:
If sex has never actually moved you to a different place

Sometimes the ceiling falls down on me
Then disappears altogether,
And then I wonder if anyone is actually real.

I’m half crazy over you.
That’s not right.


Author's Note: "Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer."

Posted on 03/10/2008
Copyright © 2024 Becca Kinser

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Keith McFarlane on 03/11/08 at 04:01 PM

Becca, I really like this a lot, deep waters to navigate tho. Very haunting and melodic. Stz. 4 is like a cypher to me -- I can't quite get it, but still I keep reading it looking for the code.

Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 03/11/08 at 05:27 PM

though i don't think that to be passionate you must suffer, this feels like a sort of murder story wrapped in confusion, to me... quite amazing!

Posted by Paul Marino on 04/02/08 at 02:30 AM

"named them Amaze Meant." that is amazing

Posted by Meghan Helmich on 06/10/08 at 08:59 PM

'bubble mud from your lips'

i like that a lot

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