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brokeback mountain

by Nanette Bellman

Never in my life, have I let someone
get away with talking to me like he is.
And all I can think about it
how cold my ass is
pressed against the dryer
in my parents basement.
Because this is a secret conversation.
 
"I can't believe you said that to me..."
That being - telling him
that I could no longer be his on-call girl
every time his dick is hard.
 
"You're the one with the boyfriend...
You told me it was over...
I can't keep coming around..."
He's going on and on.
Saying the same things he's said before.
Over and over, a never ending circle,
just in different ways.
 
And I'm trying so hard
To keep the tears in my eyes
From becoming tears in my throat
Because I don't want him to hear the hurt in me.
But my breakdown is inevitable.
Because once a tear falls,
the only place left for it to go is down.
 
So I tell him I'm being a typical girl,
Overly emotional.
And that my eyes
Turn the prettiest shade of green when I cry.
"I don't want you to cry...
And I don't mean to hurt you...
It's just...tough love."
Typical boy.
 
"You're right about everything.
It's just...it's just that I'm so scared.
I'm scared of being alone
And having no one, ever, for the rest of my life.
Because Jesus Christ,
I deserve a nice dinner and a movie date,
and whatever happens afterwards.
I deserve to be amazing to someone."
 
I wait in silence for aftershock that is his rebuttal.
 
"Oh my God...
everything you just said...
........................................................
You've gone up 100 points in my book.
It takes a lot for something to admit things like that.
Now I'm addicted to you."

02/20/2008

Author's Note: Tough love or tough to love? - "I wish I knew how to quit you..."

Posted on 02/20/2008
Copyright © 2019 Nanette Bellman

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 02/21/08 at 05:16 AM

Staggering. An incredible read all the way through.

Posted by Alisa Js on 09/18/08 at 11:06 PM

intense

Posted by Mo Couts on 06/25/11 at 08:27 PM

Damn...just damn.

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