{ pathetic.org }
 

a collaborative tanka written by thirteen amateurs.

by Eli Skipp


this relationship
is held together by sex

our love means nothing
i have known this since the start
but i stay because i'm weak

and falling through the
green translucent grass and dirt

in the space between
two turbulent voids of sand
where we forget who we are

we recall the must
the fresh odor of wet ground
and bury ourselves

in the space between
two turbulent voids of sand
where we forget who we are

this relationship
is held together by sex
and soft, safe bedsheets

like snow blankets or the feel
of grass and dirt on your back

in the space between
wishes on mascara eyes
lash and grass and dirt

were sparks of recognition
gutteral, intelligent

design is what has
brought us here, yet we keep this
distance between our

selves and our fragile mindsets,
we're scanning the location

find a place that's soft
we can do it in the loft
don't turn the lights off

this is not philosophy --
it's unadulterated.

01/30/2008

Author's Note: thanks to my 2007 erosion of category class at SAIC with Mark Booth. if you find this, add your name to the comments.

Posted on 01/30/2008
Copyright © 2022 Eli Skipp

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Coleman Demiurge on 01/31/08 at 07:30 AM

I use to string Haiku, Senryu, Tanka together to form one long poem from many short ones; it turned out pretty ugly for the most part,but where I failed these 13 'amateurs' succeed. An excellent collaboration indeed... Well done

Posted by Paganini Jones on 02/02/08 at 03:21 PM

I should want to call this a renga. The joy of collective writing like this is the changing and merging of voices which is often more powerful than when one person attempts to achieve the same thing. This poem works very well. Iparticularly like the recalling and changing of phrases used earlier in the piece.

Posted by Jared Fladeland on 03/05/08 at 02:41 PM

the love the repetition of some images, it tied alot of it together for me. the spaces between and the relationship is held together by sex...

Return to the Previous Page
 

pathetic.org Version 7.3.2 May 2004 Terms and Conditions of Use 0 member(s) and 2 visitor(s) online
All works Copyright © 2022 their respective authors. Page Generated In 0 Second(s)