I was never very good
At letting go,
And today the call for it
Exceeds all others.

I have great difficulty
With causality -
Tossing my hair back
And shrugging my shoulders
Just isn't my style -
But there is something insistent
On the wind today;
Breathing is
The only requirement .”

I don't possess an innate talent
For simply being
Without pretense or strife.
I tend to stomp out the rhythm
When it would be behoove me
To float.

In this moment -
In every moment -
Lives this forsaken truth,
Thriving despite the stretch
Of hours, days, weeks and years.

In this instance,
I exist alone
Despite the occasional appearance
Of lovers, children,
And others who thrive on
The infusion of my energy.

I once found our child's tiny hand
On the blade of raw awakening,
And I lost a part of myself
Forever there.
Your recrudescent rejection
In the face of those murderous moments
Committed on your behalf,
Extinguishes my flame without reprieve.
There is no forgiveness, including God's
Capable of eradicating my guilt,
Nor the consequences of that terrible decision.

I was never very good
At letting go,
But today the call for it
Exceeds all others.

01/30/2008

Author's Note:

Posted on 01/30/2008
Copyright © 2025 Alison McKenzie