looking back,
i wish i hadn't given him so much
credit.

at the end of the day,
both of us were baby apes
playing touchy.

he was still so afraid of me
and anything with t & a that
he fell all over himself any time
i lifted myself onto him,
unbuttoned a blouse.

God, looking back
i wouldn't have tried to play
seductress.

i would have been one of those
vulnerable little mousy girls that
sits in fetal position all the time
and doesn't make eye contact.

or aloof and tempting.

but i really just wanted him to know
that i was more experienced, and i could
hurt him and that he shouldn't
fuck around on me.

and so by the time that silly little venture
played itself out, he was on such a pedestal that i
didn't even register that him spitting on the wall
was more of a plea than a bullet.
and that when he said i made him feel like a man
it was because no one else ever had.

and not everything comes in pairs.
i should have known that too.

i don't think about him too much these days,
but sometimes i really do miss his bony little concave ass
and the way it looked when he was dancing.

he sent me a letter a couple months back,
he's looking older now
and can grow a beard.

01/22/2008

Posted on 01/22/2008
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