In the quiet of my new mind,
Of blown ear drums
And the sound of a cough drop
Clacking around my teeth,
The constant three-tone ringing,
The high pitch at the end of my cough,
And the far away crash-whoosh sound
Of the blood being pull-pushed
Through the chambers of my heart,
There is an eerie hush hovering
Just out of reach.

I donÂ’t hear my daughterÂ’s car
Pull into the driveway
Nor the knock at the door.
The phone rings from distant lands,
And it does me no good
To answer it anyway.
I see the childrenÂ’s lips move,
Their mouths smiling, shoulders shrugging
As they laugh,
But it does not reach my ears.

I see the splatter of the hot oil
As I prepare supper,
But the crackle of it
Escapes my new reality.
I know someone is walking up behind me
Because I feel the bounce of the floor boards,
Barely used senses kicking in
To compensate for this recent handicap.
Someone is speaking to me,
But I cannot comprehend what they are saying,
And, tired of asking them to yell in my direction,
I simply nod as if I understand -
But do not.

I am isolated from what I once took for granted
Laughter and television,
Telephones and accidentally eavesdropping
While my children talk about the last school dance.
I feel put aside,
Though I am right here,
Unable to hear even the tap-tapping of the keyboard
As I write this verse.

There is a strange calm
In my new solitude
As if I am an invisible observer
To the life around me,
An apparition in my own world.
There is a peculiar lull inside my head,
A splendid quiescence,
And I wonder if this is what it feels like
To become very ill
And close to death.
I've grown accustomed to it, actually,
Making living in the moment
Simple and serene,
And of course,
I’ll take the best of this –
Ranting simply a waste of energy –
It seems there is no other choice.

01/14/2008

Author's Note: As a child, I suffered from numerous, untreated ear infections. And as an adult, they still came, not as frequently though. Several years ago, during a particularly bad bout, my ear- nose & throat doctor told me that I could be in danger of losing my hearing for good, that at the end of one of these double-ear infections, my hearing might not return. He just wanted to warn me, and so today I wait....

Posted on 01/15/2008
Copyright © 2024 Alison McKenzie