Shoot Me

by Erin Jones

Just fucking shoot me
I don't know what to do anymore
This is way too intense
This feeling in my stomach
It seems to go insane
The second I hear your voice
I'm beginning to feel sick
I think I'm going insane
And I can't help but want
To talk to you every day
And my brain is competing
With my heart, I think
My heart is winning
I can't help but feel this way
And you don't even know
What it is you're doing
I just feel off
Not in my right mind
It's stupid, I don't want
To feel like this anymore
I just wish I was done
I wish I was over you
So every time I talk to you
I wouldn't feel this way
And you make me insane
Yes, I said that already
But it's all I can think
Because there's not much
Else that I can say
And when I hear your laugh
Your smile as you speak
It makes the feelings worse
And I don't know anything
I've lost myself
I'm gone, off into the world
I left so many years ago
It wasn't what I wanted
But you forced it upon me
And now I would love to go back
And change everything
I'm still shaking
This isn't right I know this
I know I should just STOP
I should just be able to quit you
To quit feeling this way
But I can't help it today
And I don't think I ever will
And now I'm trying to talk
To someone else
But you left this feeling
In the pit of my stomach
And it's not gone
It sits here, waiting
For the second I forget
About just a minute ago
And it waits, to remind me
That I can't stop thinking of you
Apparently, I'm not allowed
So I sit here, waiting
For something to fall into place
For something to go right
So I know what to do
Because all I can think of is you
And now I'm no longer talking
But I'm still shaking
A terrible phone call
I wish never happened
But I'm so glad it did
This is where my heart comes in
And my brain tells it no
But my heart doesn't listen
To anything that is logical
And I wish it would
But then I know it shouldn't
I'm disoriented from the arguing
The fight that goes on inside me
And I don't know what to do
I wish I wasn't thinking of you
Just fucking shoot me
Because I'm going insane
Tried so hard to get over
All this heartbreak and pain
But apparently
I didn't do very well
Because I'm still swooning
Every time you exhale
And I'm not even in
The same state as you
I can't even imagine
What that would do
And now I sit here
Desperately trying to calm down
But nothing is working
And everything is fucked up
I was content without you
But then I remember everything
And I wonder how I lived
How I survived this boredom
This plain, dull life without you
I'm trying to be normal
Almost forgot what that is
And now I'm just rambling
This isn't even poetry
But I'm writing and breaking the lines
So it seems like that's what it is
But there's no form
No clarity, I'm just sitting here
Bleeding my heart onto this screen


Posted on 12/19/2007
Copyright © 2020 Erin Jones

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Joe Cramer on 12/19/07 at 07:42 PM

Quite raw and edgy... actually, I don't have an appropriate comment...

Posted by Richard Vince on 12/22/07 at 01:40 PM

yes. i remember well that intensity, the feeling of being stretched to breaking point between a mind and a heart pulling in opposite directions, and the frustration of feeling unable to do anything about anything. well captured and full of raw honesty. i hope writing it made you feel better.

Posted by Aaron Michael on 12/22/07 at 10:19 PM

it's good. it doesn't get boring during the middle parts, keeps the attention riveted. nicce write, sis. nice write.

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