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A brief telling of how I feel

by Vere Mantratriad

You took me by surprise
with your cryptic glance
of an invitation so that
I lost my compass control,
although my reaction was
silly as this was not the
first nor last time that
you have thrown off all
sensible settings and
unusually accurate self-
control that I cradle
within my breast to keep
safe from having to ever
answer for anything un-
scripted. so I did not
stutter to accept, though
I should have been nerve-
wracked, I found myself
instead calm but with
a level of excitement
that I had not felt in
such a long time or may
never have felt before.
your voice was steadying,
familiarly comforting
and I had never heard a
single laugh that could
make me smile so whole-
heartedly until now and
I think that's what I
crave more than anything,
although the full package
is certainly a temptation
that I would not think
twice about opening and
greedily keeping with me
at all times day and night.
the events that followed
were, from outside eyes,
not stunning, not anything
more than everyday but I
found my foundation
cracked and shattered.
then your touch served
as an instantaneous clean-
up crew and your lips
rebuilt my dwelling to
a home whether or not it
was your intention or if
you even realized it.
so while your arrival and
presence took me fully off-
guard it should come as
no surprise to either of us;
I would stay with you from
now until seventeen o'clock.

11/18/2007

Author's Note: I said that I couldn't write something that I sat down and planned to write and I was most certainly right about it.
I really only like the last two lines.
Also, my title sucks.
I should stick to writing about how much boys suck. Problem is, not all of them do.

Posted on 11/19/2007
Copyright © 2025 Vere Mantratriad

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Michelle Angelini on 11/23/07 at 10:04 PM

Vere, this is actually a good fast-write. Now go through it again and take out all the words that are not essential. For example, "You took me by surprise with your cryptic glance of an invitation so that I lost my compass control, although my reaction was silly as this" "You took me by surprise/cryptic glance/invitation or control?/My reaction is silly... Ok, the meaning might change some from your original writing, but isn't that what revision is about? A good start to a poem. And...no you don't always have to write about boys...how about the animals you work with?
~Chelle~

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