2two : the first line to the worst poem

by Jason Wardell

I wanted to write the first line to the worst poem, so I did what poets do.

I opened a new bottle of Pinot Grigio. Pinot Grigio is their favorite because even the five dollar bottles are pretty good.

I poured some into a clean coffee mug. They never have guests over for dinner so they rarely buy proper wine glasses. They do, however, drink a lot of coffee. There are always four or five clean mugs since even poets have the occasional breakfast guest.

I moved the large books from my comfortable chair to my uncomfortable chair. Poets love having large books around, and from time to time they read them.

I muted the baseball game; down by five at the bottom of the 9th inning, I'm not worried about missing anything. They don't like to admit it, but poets like sports just as much as normal people. You may see one complaining about the rabble at the pub, but don't look too far into it. They mostly like complaining.

I turned on some nice, soft music and placed my headphones around my neck. They need some noise while writing, but too much or too little and the entire venture is lost, in which case they usually pour another glass of Pinot Grigio.

I created a new word document and typed out a "lorem ipsum" in order to decide on font, margins, word alignment. It is of the utmost importance that a poem be read exactly as the poet intends, so it is not uncommon for them to spend more time playing with the typography than actually typing.

I stroked my chin and pondered recent events in my life. Most poets think it's best to find a subject from what they know. Perhaps this explains writers block and the prevalent attitude that poetry is dead. This is as good a subject as any, and they all know it.

Subject in mind, I sat up straight and wrote the first line to the worst poem.


Author's Note: I don't know where this one belongs. Probably not at two. "Prose Poetry" is such a cop-out.

Posted on 10/28/2007
Copyright © 2022 Jason Wardell

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Alison McKenzie on 10/28/07 at 08:28 PM

Guilty. I almost always choose "free verse". I swear it's time for me to take a class or something, stretch the learning curve. Plus, I always write about what I "know" and it can make for dry, dry reading at times. Heh.

Posted by Nadia Gilbert Kent on 10/31/07 at 12:30 AM

You know... it could be very funny if put into shopping list format, thoughts and feelings included.

Posted by Megan Langley on 07/30/08 at 04:03 AM

"They don't like to admit it, but poets like sports just as much as normal people" -- heyyy, are you implying that poets are not normal people?!?! haha... an enjoyable read, nonetheless!

Posted by Kris Mara on 05/26/09 at 07:44 PM

again, this is dead on, I love the almost instructional book tone to it...clever humor throughout...what more can one say?

Posted by Samiah Haque on 06/04/09 at 02:22 AM

oh i loved this! i was a little surprised the mugs were clean though. :)

Posted by V. Blake on 11/29/09 at 10:11 PM

#3 of yours in my favorites now.

Posted by Mo Couts on 07/21/11 at 02:47 AM

Ahhh, you described us poets perfectly. I love it.

Posted by Jolie Jordan on 06/15/12 at 06:40 AM

I had a good laugh at this "it is not uncommon for them to spend more time playing with the typography than actually typing." as I do it too.

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